“And above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfectness.” COLOSSIANS 3:14

When we think of spiritual paths what usually comes to mind is an ascetic existence stripped of personal accoutrements to have the sole focus be on spiritual practice.  A monk in a monastery comes to mind.   

However, anything we do can be a spiritual practice however there is one proviso — we have to bring consciousness to those activities of daily life. The risk we always face is to fall into automaticity.  That is going through motions with an unconscious mind and in some ways becoming robotic. 

We see this robot-like activity in so many places nowadays.  Go to a place like the DMV where a person is following a script from a computer and checking boxes.  Those poor people have literally lost their minds and have become extensions of the computer systems that have fully subsumed their freedom to take any initiative on their own.  

The counterpoint to that is love.  It follows no script.  It is fully intuitive.  It is conscious and is generated 100% in the moment with the human being in front of you.  

One of the most powerful ways to access the spiritual is to be vulnerable to love.  To be willing to take that deep dive with another human being into the realm of the heart without reservations.  No holds barred.  Bare.  Naked.  Willing to share it all.  Willing to risk rejection.  Open to the transformation and expansion that only love can offer. 

And there are no formulas to follow.  Each person is different.  Each entry into the life of another requires being deeply present to the needs of the other.  And when both partners take this perspective great things can happen. 

This may be why Eros is such a powerful force.  A very different kind of love than family love (storge), brotherly love and the friendship love among equals (philia) and community love (Xenia). Not that those other forms of love are any less, but they don’t make available the same kind of dynamic that Eros offers.   

Eros is powerful. 

Eros is passion.  It is a crucible that can get white hot.  As such, it is important to learn how to navigate the powerful forces of this kind of love, taking care to not go too fast and giving plenty of time for emotional connections to be made before bringing in physical love.  Sex is delicious and sex is great, but sex can also draw us into the temporal before we are ready.  Eros sans sex allows for deep connections and emotional nourishment.  Once these intangible experiences are made real; sex is even more satisfying. 

When we get real and are authentic with another person there is no one to impress and nothing to be — except ourselves. And here’s the thing we all “prepare a face to meet the faces that [we] meet.” T.S. Eliot was spot on when he wrote the love song of j alfred prufrock. To some extent we are all hiding something, but in Eros it is much harder to hide.  Some can do it, but that’s not love nor is it love as a spiritual path … it’s just playing games or manipulation.  Eventually, if you hide in love you get found out and then the thin line between love and hate becomes immediately apparent.  People don’t appreciate being lied to! 

People want to be known and also want to feel that they are let into the inner sanctum of their partner. The good, the bad and the ugly.  And there is really no getting around that.  Everything eventually comes out.   

This is not to say that we don’t sometimes keep our own counsel and maintain an inner life, but it does mean that we are willing to let that other person inside to see our inner workings for a deeper shared reality. 

  • Joseph Olejak