Bibi Farber is a songwriter, singer and guitarist from NYC. Her songs have been used in over 300 instances in TV and commercials. She has played with some amazing original New York bands, including a 5-year stint on guitar in Richard Lloyd’s band (of Television) who also produced Bibi’s first CD. She is the daughter of talk show legend Barry Farber, niece of comedian Jerry Farber and the sister of investigative journalist Celia Farber. She is also a member of the band Action Figures 432.
Starting in 2000 Bibi started volunteering with an organization called Musicians On Call.
Bibi in her own words:
I knew a fellow from the downtown indie rock world, who happened to live on my block, and was asking all the musicians he knew to please consider volunteering a few hours a month. The gig was for no pay, but we’d be performing whatever material we liked for adults and children who were in various NYC hospitals. Plenty of us signed up immediately.
Knowing a dozen or more children’s songs from working at kid’s parties, I figured this would be a terrific thing to do, and I requested the children’s hospital rounds.
I showed up with my guitar, and was escorted by a guide from room to room. I did my best to select a song that was right for the child in front of me.
It was a magical experience. They often sang along and clapped. The staff and parents did too, if they were in the room. The song provided a moment of escape, just a few minutes of diversion. The feeling in the room changed. It was often enough to nourish their spirits and get their minds off their pain, even for a little while.
One time I sang “Santa Claus is Coming To Town” to a little boy. He sat up and began singing with me. I’ll never forget, with great seriousness he sang the refrain line, Santa Claus is Coming To Town. Not unusual. His mother began sobbing. I asked her if she were OK, and she replied: “That is the first time he has said anything in two weeks.”
After each and every shift, I thought to myself: “This is by far the most important thing I’ve done all week.”
A girl, perhaps age 9, a cancer victim with no hair, wanted to wear my pink wig. She knew all the words to a Hannah Montana song and wanted to sing it together. The wig was crucial, of course, she couldn’t sing without hair. We performed together. She was beaming by the end, and the nurses just fell apart.
The NY Post even did a story on the organization, and I was one of the performers they profiled.
I volunteered with Musicians on Call for many years to come and branched out, playing for adults, mostly elderly. At first I was terribly self conscious, thinking that there was too much of a gap between my culture and people 50 years my senior. I didn’t know any standards and really didn’t know how to walk into the room of a sick person, older than my parents, and just start playing.
But I did. I favored Burt Bacharach tunes and gentle 60’s pop songs like Petula Clark’s “Downtown”.
I learned “You Are My Sunshine” and “Blue Skies”. One lady requested I learn “My Darling Clementine”
Now, more than 20 years have passed. I still play those songs. But the good news is that people in old folks homes now are a whole generation younger, closer to me in age and culture. We are Boomers! We love Boomer music! I’m in business! Turns out this is a monumental silver lining in my “getting older” journey.
These days I perform in several facilities, both strolling and complete shows in their lounges and auditoriums. Truly, it is the central joy of my life.
What do the ladies at an assisted living place in Poughkeepsie want to hear? In unison, they respond: JOHNNY CASH! Second to that would be Elvis. Then John Denver, Patsy Cline, Everly Brothers, James Taylor, Carole King. And they sure don’t mind if I dip into Lovin’ Spoonful, Temptations, Beach Boys, Aretha Franklin, Elton John, Chicago and even The Rolling Stones.
When I play in Crown Heights, Brooklyn I sometimes have to stretch beyond my comfort zone. I play for hundreds of elderly residents that are from the Caribbean, Spanish speaking, Asian, or from very religious backgrounds. One man told me to stop playing “Under The Boardwalk”. He was offended, because the song was about hanky-panky! He suggested I should “move on, and learn some hymns!”
I’ve learned Jamaican folk songs, Oh Happy Day, Jesus Loves Me, Eres Tu in Spanish and am now learning songs by The Mighty Sparrow, who was Trinidad’s most renowned Calypso star. (Harry Belafonte is spectacular of course, but he is an American artist, born in Harlem).
Because nursing homes have temporary residents that are there for physical therapy, I often play for folks my age and younger. I might select Pharrell Williams “Happy” or Alicia Keyes “Empire State of Mind”, or a selection from all the great soul and Motown I grew up hearing on the radio.
When I bust out “Long Time Gal Me Neva See Ya” or “I Can See Clearly Now” or “Rock The Boat” I often get the staff and family members clapping and singing, and that’s when it’s so insanely FUN that I say I should be paying them for this experience. It is so sublime, so uplifting for me to just be the match that ignites the flame to the musical bonfire. I only have to know the chords and words, and the people bring the song to life.
Sometimes, it’s sad of course when someone doesn’t respond anymore. Many people also decline a song by me in their room because they’re hypnotized by the television. Sometimes there are other reasons.
Knock ‘em dead? I might not have to.
It was Christmas time and I chose to surprise the residents of a nursing home in Brooklyn by adding to the air of festivity showing up in my sexy elf costume. With this cute short dress, red and white tights, the hat and the elf shoes, I went traipsing through the corridors with my guitar, going into every room that had an open door.
I went into a room where a man was resting and I burst into “Joy To The World”. It’s not uncommon to sing a whole song and get little or no response. The idea is that they feel the positive effects of the music, even if they don’t smile, make eye contact or move at all. My instructions are to go into every room with an open door.
A nurse walked by the room and waved urgently for me to stop singing. I thought maybe he needed to not be disturbed for some reason, needed to sleep. Perhaps he had a medical procedure that day. I left the room and she simply said to me: “He died already”
I remember being in the room of a woman with a Polish last name, who I sang for many times. She enjoyed ‘60’s folk songs like “Those Were The Days”. We both stared at the TV as Governor Cuomo said: “No visitors will be allowed in nursing homes from now on”. It was the very beginning of the lockdown, the days before we could really wrap our heads around it. It was still unbelievable, too extreme.
We looked at each other and she said: “I guess I won’t be seeing you for awhile.”
Indeed, every call that came in during the following weeks from the activities directors at all the nursing homes I worked for, was to confirm all bookings were cancelled. I never did see her again.
It was so brutal, on every level, to be in NYC during 2020. Covid- 19, lockdown and ALL of my work disappearing overnight. My father passed away in May, one day after his 90th birthday. After that I had no reason to remain there. I fled back to the Hudson Valley where I had put down some roots in earlier years.
But how I missed playing music in old folks homes. I ached for it! It was like the sun coming out again, when in 2022 I reached out to facilities closer to my home, and they booked me! I offer a free show so they can see if I’m a good fit for the residents. Almost always, they add me to the rotation. I’m singing in a mask, sometimes for hours. I don’t mind, I missed this so much. At one point this summer, almost 90 degrees, I did my strolling outside, masked, singing at the windows of those in the memory care unit (Alzheimers). I saw one woman had decorated her whole room with Bob Dylan posters. I’m not a big Dylan fan – but who can resist learning a few of his songs for this lady? What an honor.
I’m working hard to rebuild my client base with a way smaller population density. I even go down to the city to work in a few of my previous facilities.
This is my greatest joy, and I plan to work until I am too old to sing and play.
If you’d like to volunteer or do this professionally I’d be happy to offer a few suggestions. If you are a performing musician, you will have no trouble at all. These are decent gigs, all in the daytime of course. You’ll be home by 4:00 p.m. instead of 4:00 a.m.
The three surefire American songwriters that you will never go wrong with, that resonate with almost everyone are Stevie Wonder, Burt Bacharach and Hank Williams. You can start playing in nursing homes if you even know a handful of their majestic masterpiece hits.
It never hurt anyone to learn songs outside of your wheel house – and when you see the smiles and hear the gratitude, you will be full of that same joy yourself.
After a show, a lady came up to me in her wheelchair and said: “Thank you for playing those songs. It made me feel like … like I was in love again!”
What more can you ask of a day at work?
From Bibi’s Substack
https://bibifarber.substack.com/
Listen to Bibi’s Music: